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How we create ourselves as victims

Updated: Aug 21, 2022

'THEY' Did It!

ln his book Reinventing yourself, Steve Chandler describes how In the 1980s a manager at Texas Instruments banished the word 'THEY' from his department. 'THEY' creates victims. It implies something is happening to us because others have made it so. It gives away our personal power to third parties and suggests we have no influence over what is happening to us. Hardly a confidence booster!

Introducing 'WE' into our vocabulary has a different effect 'WE' indicates ownership. 'WE' can make a difference in our own lives, 'WE' take back control.

When we use 'THEY' we can attribute blame for our circumstances and have no part in outcomes in our own lives. 'THEY' can be blamed, whilst 'WE' need to take responsibility. 'WE' makes us part of the process.

As an example changing 'Why do they have these silly rules' to 'Why do we have this policy' creates an enquiring mind, a curiosity that looks for answers.

This simple change to our personal self talk brings back control and ownership, and alters our experience of life. 'WE' creates, 'THEY' reacts.

Try it, play with it, see how it fits for you. Once you start to stop using 'THEY' and introduce 'WE' you will notice the positive changes this brings in your life.

Martyn Dawes is a Coach, Social Care Consultant, and Author of The Overwhelmed Manager: What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

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